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28 March 2013 @ 04:19 pm
Had a resurgence of depression over the past few weeks, which has been really weird to deal with, because for the first time I feel like there's nothing really wrong in my life environmentally which could be causing this. I've always suspected that my depression was just a matter of chemical illness, but this makes it feel quite definitely true. Which is a bummer, in a way, because it indicates that this has a high likelihood of being a life-long sorta deal. Oh well.

I thought about stuff. I thought about how I was when I was having bad patches (i.e nearly all of uni) and taking citalopram. I remembered thinking the citalopram was working, essentially because I wasn't suicidal, but I was also nowhere near well. I had awful self-esteem. I couldn't manage uni. I couldn't manage socializing. Let's not mention the quality of person I thought was worth being in a relationship with.

So I decided citalopram actually didn't work. I went to my GP - who is a new GP, who we recommend to people with mental health problems at work, so I figured hey, I keep telling people she's good, let's see - and said I needed something new. I'm on day 3 of fluoxetine. I'm being extremely optimistic so that the placebo effect can do some good work, even if fluoxetine isn't doing it. Mostly all I've got are side effects so far, but that's day 3 of any SSRI. We'll see.

Watch this space, I guess.

(Also, my new GP is fucking lovely, I feel good about recommending her to people.)
chocolate_frapp: House with Glasseschocolate_frapp on March 28th, 2013 04:38 pm (UTC)
hugs you
Just a tattoo of her name across my soultattooofhername on March 28th, 2013 04:43 pm (UTC)
Good luck with the fluoxetine. It worked for me and was functional and normal on it, but the side effects were so bad I couldn't keep on with it.
Sushi for Breakfast: breakfasttourmaline1973 on March 28th, 2013 07:31 pm (UTC)
*hug* Hope it works for you, are you just taking SSRIs or are you also seeing a CPN or someone for talking therapy? I did both together for the first few months and the combination worked for me in terms of giving me a way of managing my health without it impacting hugely in other areas of my life (for example, I didn't have to take much time off work, just odd days here and there when I felt really bad).
Bruce Springsteen, you're not the boss of metrickseybird on March 28th, 2013 09:35 pm (UTC)
*hugs* accepting when it's chemical can be v freeing I think