kiwi_from_hell (kiwi_from_hell) wrote,
kiwi_from_hell
kiwi_from_hell

Had a resurgence of depression over the past few weeks, which has been really weird to deal with, because for the first time I feel like there's nothing really wrong in my life environmentally which could be causing this. I've always suspected that my depression was just a matter of chemical illness, but this makes it feel quite definitely true. Which is a bummer, in a way, because it indicates that this has a high likelihood of being a life-long sorta deal. Oh well.

I thought about stuff. I thought about how I was when I was having bad patches (i.e nearly all of uni) and taking citalopram. I remembered thinking the citalopram was working, essentially because I wasn't suicidal, but I was also nowhere near well. I had awful self-esteem. I couldn't manage uni. I couldn't manage socializing. Let's not mention the quality of person I thought was worth being in a relationship with.

So I decided citalopram actually didn't work. I went to my GP - who is a new GP, who we recommend to people with mental health problems at work, so I figured hey, I keep telling people she's good, let's see - and said I needed something new. I'm on day 3 of fluoxetine. I'm being extremely optimistic so that the placebo effect can do some good work, even if fluoxetine isn't doing it. Mostly all I've got are side effects so far, but that's day 3 of any SSRI. We'll see.

Watch this space, I guess.

(Also, my new GP is fucking lovely, I feel good about recommending her to people.)
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